Sensei, how do you say I love you in Japanese?
This is one of the common questions that I receive from my students almost every semester. I usually answer that there is not only one way. There are several ways to say “I love you” in Japanese and it would differ depending on the context and what kind of feeling you are trying to convey.
- 愛してます（あいしてます）[aishite masu] (literally) love … Polite speech
- 愛してる（あいしてる）[aishiteru] love … Casual speech
- 好きです（すきです）[suki desu] like … Polite speech
- 好き（すき）[suki] like … Casual speech
- 大好きです（だいすきです）[daisuki desu] like very much … Polite speech
- 大好き（だいすき）[daisuki] like very much … Casual speech
If a young child wants to say “I love you, mom!” he or she would pick #6 (like very much) and say ママ、大好き！ [Mama, daisuki!]. Japanese children first learn casual speech at home as they grow up. We do not use polite speech to our direct family members, hence we learn casual speech first.
If a teenage girl wants to confess her feelings to a boy, she would pick either #3 (like – Polite) or #4 (like – Casual). It will depend on her personality and also the relationship/friendship she possesses with the boy.
Due to the word 愛（あい）[ai], #1 (love – Polite) and #2 (love – Casual) convey deeper and more mature feelings. This is why you cannot use them when you want to say “I love ice cream!” You will have to use #6 (like very much) and say アイスクリーム大好き！ [aisu kuriimu daisuki!]
The feeling of love is diverse and quite complicated. The way Japanese perceive love seems to be a little different from the English-speaking world and it shows in the language. This is what I noticed after I left Japan and moved to the States.
Two Different Nouns for “Love” in Japanese
In English, there is only one Noun that represents your affectionate feeling toward another person, which is “love.”
In Japanese, we have two different nouns. They are こい（恋）[koi] and あい（愛）[ai].
Many of my students watch Japanese anime and drama. Because of this, they are usually familiar with the vocabulary like [koi] or [ai]. However, very few know the difference between the two. They represent two distinct kinds of love.
The first one, こい（恋）[koi] refers to the exciting and romantic feeling that you feel for someone whom you do not know well yet and wish to know him/her better. When you have a crush on someone, [koi] is the word that expresses the feeling you are experiencing. You can say [Johnny Depp ni KOI shiteru] “I am in the state of KOI toward Johnny Depp” meaning “I have a crush on Johnny Depp” The exciting and longing feeling that makes your heart race is the key here.
When you are still in an early stage of a relationship and feel fresh and excited about seeing the person, you are still in the state of [koi] too.
In the same respect, the phrase “love at the first sight” or “fall in love” refers to the feeling of KOI in Japanese. When we fall in love, we say “fall in KOI” [KOI ni ochiru], and not “fall in AI.” We never say [AI ni ochiru].
The word あい（愛）[AI] refers to much deeper feeling in Japanese. In many cases, it grows over time. So, it is very unlikely that you feel [AI] toward someone who you just met yesterday. Loving someone in the sense of [AI] also requires maturity on the person’s side. It often involves other essential feelings such as respect, trust and endearing feelings toward the target.
Because of this, a parent can あいする[AI-suru] (love) his/her child but they would never こいする [KOI-suru] his/her child.
Husband and wife of many years will develop the feeling of [AI] toward each other. It is based on the bonds, trust, and history they share together. Sometimes, you may hear a Japanese husband says “I am still in the state of [KOI] toward my wife.” It is him saying that he still possesses the fresh and exciting feelings toward his wife as well as deep love.
Why Different Ways to Say “Love”?
To me, it makes perfect sense to have different ways to say “love” because the feelings I feel within me toward my mother, my partner, or things I love like sushi are totally different. In fact, I was quite surprised when I learned that in English, there is only one word to express all those different feelings.
You say “I love you” in English when you:
- Confess your feeling to someone.
- Express loving feelings towards family members like your mother, father, or siblings.
- State your likings such as “I love Jonny Depp,” “I love my dog” or even “I love scary movies!”
To me, these are completely different feelings. Hence, it makes perfect sense that they are expressed differently in my language.
Below are some different situations where we may (or may not) say “I love you” in Japanese.
When You Confess Your Feelings
As I mentioned earlier, if you wish to reveal your feelings toward someone, you will have to say either すきです [suki desu] (like – Polite) or すき [suki] (like – Casual) depending on the relationship you already have with the person.
If your target is a co-worker who you have interacted only at work, as a grown-up, you would want to stick to the polite speech and say すきです [suki desu].
たなかさんが すきです。[Tanaka-san ga suki desu] … I have a feeling for you, Tanaka-san.
On the contrary, if you are going to confess your feelings toward a childhood friend, you would choose casual speech and say すき [suki].
けんが すき。[Ken ga suki] … I have a feeling for you, Ken.
すきです [suki desu] or すき [suki] literally mean “I like you.” However, in this particular context, it means more like “I have a feeling for you” or “I love you” in English and is most appropriate at this stage where you have not established a solid relationship as a couple.
By the way, if you had held the loving feeling toward the target for many years without confessing and the feeling is already very deep within you, you may choose the word [AI] and say あいしてます [AI shite masu]. Again, it depends on the feelings you possess toward the person.
On a side note, because [AI] is such a serious and heavy word, if you use it to confess your feeling, it may scare the person or make him/her feel somewhat burdened without a solid foundation between the two. Be careful.
I Love You to Your Partner
If the relationship with your partner is long and mature, like a married couple, it is appropriate to say あいしてる [AI shiteru] to the person and it actually shows the depth of the feeling you have toward your significant other.
Some couples, even though they are in the relationship for a long time, may still feel shy to say [AI shiteru] and simply say すき [suki] (I like you) or だいすき[dai suki] (I like you very much) on a daily basis. Again, this is due to the serious and heavy tone that the word [AI] possesses.
Being married to an American husband, I’ve realized the phrase “I love you” or “Love you” in English is used more as a greeting between husband and wife.
“Ok, I’m off to work now. See you later. I love you”
The “I love you” here in this context is not [AI shiteru] traditionally, although I have noticed that young couples nowadays in Japan began using the phrase rather frankly on a daily basis. (but never in public)
To me, [AI shiteru] is the expression that would come out when I am in the special moment with my partner. I would most likely be in his arms or looking at his eyes, and acknowledging the deep feeling that I possess towards him. Then and only then, [AI shiteru] feels totally natural to me.
I Love You to Your Family Members
This is a bit difficult to explain because we normally do not express our love with words among family members.
Yes, as I said earlier, a young child would say “I love you mommy (or daddy)!” ママ、大好き！ [Mama, daisuki!]
A mother/father would say to their child “I love you Miki” [Miki-chan, daisuki (dayo)]. However, this exchange will quickly disappear when the child passes a certain age. (I would say 6-8 years old maybe?)
Believe it or not, I don’t recall my parents ever said “I love you” to me in my entire life. They may have said “Yuko, daisuki (dayo)” when I was very, very young but I don’t remember it. Nonetheless, I know 100% that they love me. How do I know, you ask?
I think it is what I sensed as living with them and growing up under their care. Perhaps it is due to things that they have taught me, things that they have done for me, or the way they look at me, etc. They have done countless things for me and my sister, and I know what they did are all based on love. I felt it. So, they didn’t have to tell me they love me with words. I knew it and I still know.
Same goes for me not saying “I love you” to my family in Japan. If I have to pick one phrase that would express the deep love I have for my family, it would be ありがとう [arigato] “Thank you.” I say [arigato] a lot to my parents and sister, even for small things they do for me, and that is my way of expressing love and appreciation towards them.
How Do You Say I Love You in Japanese?
The answer to that question, as you now understand, varies depending on the situation. Therefore, if you have a need to say “I love you” to someone in Japanese, be sure to pick the right phrase from what I have listed at the beginning of this post.
Don’t just ask your Japanese friend “How do you say I love you in Japanese?” Give him/her the context where you wish to say “I love you” to someone like this:
“I have a big crush on this guy at work. Since I was hired only three weeks ago, I don’t know much about him. The only time I have spoken to him is in the elevator just saying Hi. How do I say I love you to this guy?”
😉
I hope you enjoyed this article and it helped you understand how Japanese people perceive and express love. I believe the feeling of love is universal. However, it indeed is interesting that different cultures express it differently, isn’t it?
How do you express love in your native language (if you speak other than English)? Feel free to leave examples or comments below, I would love to know!
裕子先生 （ゆうこせんせい）Yuko-sensei
I love you in Japanese? Why do you have to ask such a difficult question.
ゆうこせんせい、
Thanks for the very interesting and detailed explanation on “Love” in Japanese language. This is definitely very useful.
ありがとうございます。
Evelynさん、
I’m glad you enjoyed the post! This lesson is available inside Japanese 4 with a video. Since you are already enrolled in the course, you can access it via the link here. https://smilenihongo.teachable.com/courses/japanese-adjective/lectures/11392938
では、また。?
Thank you very much for sharing and explaining about love in Japanese. Actually, I am Burmese and we use ’Chit tal’(love you) to our deepest one and ’kyite tal’(like you or this) to show just normal feeling. So, when my Japanese boyfriend have a feeling on me and he say I love you in English, at that time I think ’aishiteru’ is ’I love you’ and ’sukidesu’ is ’I like you’. So, I asked him, you are suki or ai? He answered AI ?. Now, I understand the usage of love in Japanese very well by explaining sensei. But, I always want to hear from my boyfriend is aishiteru and he always use very polite form.
Therefore sensei, please explain I love you and I like you different in Japanese ?
Su-san,
Thank you for sharing the information about your native language. “Suki” when it’s exchanged between a romantic couple can mean “I love you.” If I had a Japanese husband or boyfriend and he says “Suki da yo” (Informal Speech) to me, I feel very loved. A Japanese man putting his love emotions into words already is a big deal, so to most Japanese women, it doesn’t have to be “aishiteru.” If your Japanese boyfriend says “Suki (dayo)” to you, please understand that he is saying he loves you. ?
Konnichiwa, Yuko-sensei,
I’m French-Canadian and I would say French is even more imprecise than English when it comes to the word love. We say “je t’aimes” (I love you) to our partners or family members it doesn’t matter if it is a platonic or romantic feeling. You can even use “j’aime” (I love) to speak of your favourite food, music, things, hobbies, etc. Ex: J’aime la lecture (I love reading). That being said, “je suis en amour avec toi” (I am in love with you) is only used for romantic feelings (you wouldn’t say it to your parents or siblings, etc.). And where English has the word “like” we don’t really have a translation in French. The closest approximation would be “j’aime bien” (litterally “I love well”). So the sentence “J’aime bien le chocolat” and “Je l’aime bien” would be translated in English as “I like chocolate” and “I like him/her”.
On a side note, many of the Canadians I know use “I love you” on a daily basis with their partners and family members. I understand your notion that the overusage of the word can make it seem less profound, however I still choose to say it frequently to my family simply because I never know if that will be the last time I talk to them. Life is unpredictable and should one of us die suddenly, I would never want them to doubt my affection for them. I guess that, like with many Americans, in my country words hold a lot of value too.
Thank you for the very informative and well explained article ?♀️
Kimberly-san,
Interesting! I didn’t know that the equivalent to English “like” doesn’t exist in French.
I don’t like to stereotype, but to the majority of Japanese people, the image of the country France is the country of love and great romance. So, I naturally assumed there must be several different ways to express love in French. It’s really interesting to learn that it’s quite opposite.
I think it is important to express love or appreciation to loved ones on a daily basis. 🙂
It’s not part of Japanese culture language-wise, so we don’t use the literal phrase “I love you” daily, but I feel we still express our affections with other phrases that don’t exist in English.
[Example] いってらっしゃい itterasshai (to see someone off) It has the connotation of wishing someone’s safe return.
Thank you for sharing and explaining in detail how “love” is expressed in your French!
Hello Yuko-Sensei ,
In Spanish it is similar to Japanese. Although overtime, it’s become more like English. Traditionally though we have the following:
Te quiero = I like you/ suki desu
Te amo= I love you/ aishiteru
Me gustas = I feel attracted towards you/ I like you. Depending on the sentence it can be romantic or not, casual or serious.
Thank you for teaching us!
Yudi-san,
Thank you so much for sharing how to say “I love you” in Spanish. It was so interesting to learn!
I’ve heard of “Te amo” before but had no idea about the other two. It truly is interesting how “love” is expressed in each language, isn’t it? 🙂
Yuko-sensei
September 16, 2018
RE: https://smilenihongo.com/how-do-you-say-i-love-you-in-Japanese
Dear Ms. Yukosensei,
Well, that just about took the top of my head off!
This explanation is somewhat wordy, and I don’t even know
if you are monitoring this blog. But here it goes…..
I am a 75 year old male retired IT Engineer/mathematician. Even from
a very young age, I was always very much into words, symbols, abstractions
which for me were and are very, very real.
I have been researching love in various languages, and came across your website and blog here.
My parents were very traditional, old school Americans from the South,
and they were always busy with projects, building things, and working on repairs
and such. My father was a master wood worker, and my mother an accomplished
painter and artist. They both were raised on farms, and the expression,
“actions speak louder than words” could best describe them.
Never in my entire life with them, did I ever hear them say the words to me,
“I love you”. This intensely bothered me almost from the ages of 3 or 4.
But they were always there to help me and they raised me with some very firm
values. They would drop whatever they were doing if I needed help of any kind,
and they did this for their friends and neighbors. They were the most giving
people of their time and resources for just about everyone.
Our house resembled Grand Central Station, because people and friends were always stopping by to visit with them. It was rare when the house was quiet and empty. My father kept 4 dogs and my mother 10 cats. My friends always came to my house to see me, but it was only later that they told me they came to vist my parents.
Even to this day, my friends still talk about them, like just last week at lunch
the topic turned to my parents.
Growing up in an environment like this, it is hard for a child to compare. I always
thought that all parents were more or less like them, only to find out much later
that this is not the case at all.
In their final illnesses, I nursed them and watched while both passed on.
At both deaths, I was severely troubled, with thoughts that there was something I wanted to say to them, but I didn’t know what to say.
Which brings me to your essay. Your comment about your parents just about drove a hole through my heart, and I now know the words that I wished I had said to them before they left, and as you say, those words are “Thank you!”, thank you for always being there for me and raising me with your values.
So thank you to you, Ms. Yukosensei, for finally telling me what I wished I had said
to both of them!
This has been quite a revelation!!!
Sincerely,
Folcwine P. Pywackett
https://pywackettproductions.com/
fpp@pywackettproductions.com
Folcwine-san, Hajimemashite.
Thank you for sharing your precious memories with your parents. I can see that your father and mother were very special people and you were blessed with loving and honorable parents. It was interesting to learn that, even then, they didn’t verbally express their love towards you. I thought the custom was always in the culture in the U.S.
I am glad to know that this blog post has brought some resolutions to what had troubled your mind for a long time. I believe, however, that your parents knew what you wanted to say without you voicing it just like you knew they deeply loved you without hearing “I love you” from them.
I think Language is a gift that was given to us humans and we can use the tool to connect with each other and make others happy. But I also believe that there are also things way beyond words. It is nice to express our love with words, of course, but when we truly love someone, the person somehow feels it and knows it with his/her heart. 🙂
Hi! Great article, very informative. I have one offtopic question that’s been bothering me for some time now, sorry. But here goes… you have that picture of mother hugging her child in this article, right? I’ve seen that same style used in many other small pictures like that, in Japanese articles, videos and guides. Where do these emotes / pictures come from? Why is everyone using them in Japan? Are they like in public use or from some app or what? I’m just very confused because the more I read Japanese sites, the more I come across these little images.
fumufumu-san,
I’m glad you enjoyed the blog. As for your question, the picture was created by a Japanese artist who shares his work freely on the internet. As long as it is used for free contents such as a blog or YouTube videos, he genuinely offers his work to be utilized. That’s why you see his illustrations on may Japanese sites, I guess. I have been in contact with this artist and he is a very, very nice person. 🙂
Yuko-sensei,
Thank you for this article. I am an American by birth and raised by my British grandparents. Americans say I love you all the time but it was a culture shock as a small child going to England to live. My grandparents never said “I love you”. I have notice it is a generational thing in the UK too. Younger people now will use the term “love you” very casually. I personally can’t stand the shorthand “love you.”
So here is a question: Which one do you use to tell a very close platonic friend “I love you”. I don’t say I love you often but sometimes she needs to hear it, I think. She is Polish by the way but both interested in Japanese culture and language (with both practice karate) ?
Andrea-san,
Thank you for sharing your experience with your British grandparents. It was interesting to learn that, in the UK traditionally, “I love you” was not used among family members on a daily basis.
As for “I love you” among close friends, I don’t think we really say it in Japan. It could be different for younger generations but personally, I’ve never said it nor heard it from my friends. If I really want to express my love and gratitude for having her/him as a friend in my life, I would say ありがとう Arigatoo (Thank you) as in Thank you for listening to me or Thank you for being by my side.
It’s an interesting question which I’ve never thought of. I should ask younger people in Japan when I have a chance.
Yuko-sensei
In Greece we also have a distinction between “I like” (μου αρέσει) and “l love” (αγαπώ).
We usually use “like” more casually and without much thought, although it can mean something more important too.
But when we use “love” for a person it shows a special relationship that could be between family, friends and lovers.
And we also have “I am in love”(είμαι ερωτευμένος) which is strictly for lovers but in my opinion has a more irresponsible meaning than “I love” (αγαπάω).
So to conclude:
Αγάπη(love-noun) : is for friends family and lovers but it is a very intense feeling
Έρωτας(love): lovers only but not as timeless as αγάπη
Αρέσκεια(to like): for everyone but usually means you find someone to be likable.
Maria-san,
Thank you for sharing how “like” and “love” are different in Greek. I don’t have anyone around me who can speak Greece, so I had to copy & paste the words you shared onto Google Translate to hear they are pronounced. It was fascinating to hear! 🙂
It is also interesting to learn that the Greek language places a deeper meaning in the word “love” just like we do in Japanese.
Yuko-sensei
Thanks for the help!
ありがとう
On a side note, Where in my language, which similar to Japanese only have, I’m guessing 2 ways to say it
我爱你[Wo Ai Ni]{I Love You} usually in a stronger love sense where likewise can be use for your partner(probably dating for quite awhile) or a family member
我喜欢你 [Wo Xi Huan Ni]{I Like You} I Guess would be the proper way to confess your love(in a way to not scare them away) to your crush!
But I mean that is merely my 2nd language so in general;
It’s just “I Love You” all the same, in English :3
Kuronosuさん、
Thank you for the lesson! So in Chinese, people do say I love you to each other among family members too. I didn’t know that.
It is interesting to know that the Chinese language distinguishes those two types of “love” feelings, though. Perhaps, it is a common notion among East Asian countries?
Thank you for your comment! 🙂
裕子先生
Hi. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us.
In Spanish we use three different words: ‘like’ (gustar), ‘want’ (querer) and ‘love’ (amar).
We use ‘like’ for things. ‘I like pizza’ (me gusta la pizza) and people you dont really know, like in koi state (I like my classmate)
We use ‘want’ to say people I love you when we are confident with them, or to family members, pets.. This is the most common way to say ‘I love you’ in Spanish. ‘I want you’ (te quiero)
We use ‘love’ when we want to show a really deep love for someone in a romantic way. I love you (te amo) This is the least common way, we only use it in those special moments with your partner (usually) Though we use the expression ‘to be in love’ quite a lot. (estar enamorado)
It is interesting to see how people show love to others in different places.
Saludos 🙂
Danieru-san, Konnichiwa.
Thank you for sharing how you express the feeling of “love” differently in Spanish. It sure is interesting to know how the notion is expressed in different languages. I only knew “te amo” and now I understand that I shouldn’t use it when I say things like “I love ice cream”! 😀
It has been interesting to learn more subtleties about “I love” in Japanese. I must confess that my email account gets secondary attention, but I am interested to learn more. I am curious that you mentioned that you don’t say ‘bless you’ in Japanese. How about using; Kami non sukufku ga arimas yo!
Richard-san,
“Bless you” would be literally translated “Kami no gokago wo.” However, it sounds too religious as the expression is stemmed from Christianity anyway. It has the background in the specific religion and I assume that is the reason why the expression didn’t win the wide recognition by the majority of people in Japan. (Christian are small percentage in Japan)
On the other hand, the expression “Okage sama de” (thanks to you) is widely used in Japanese, which I believe originated in Buddhism. It literally means “Being protected under your shadow” and we use it in many situations where we want to express gratitude to each other in the sense, “I exist because of your help.” If someone asks me how I am doing, I would say “Okage sama de.” If someone asks me how my family is doing, I would say “Okage sama de.” It highlight the fact that we all co-exist in this world.
Yuko-sensei,
thank you for posting this!
as an American married to a Japanese, I can relate that it was a bit of a “cultural shock” getting to know my wife and the way that she would respond, or not!, to hearing “I love you.” as she says, “Americans say, Japanese do.” and now I am okay with conveying feelings non-verbally, but as a guy still need some cues sometimes!
Don-san,
Haha, you sound like my husband! Although I am getting used to saying “Love you” as a daily exchange, I still say it way less than my husband does. If I had to say it in Japanese, there is no way that I can do that! I almost feel as if the depth of “ai shiteru” would be lost if I say it too often. But I’ll at least try expressing my affection to my husband on a daily basis! 😉
Any of us could die at any moment. If you really do love your husband, tell him so, so that if he dies before you see him again, you will have less regret. Many who have lost loved ones unexpectedly have this remorse.
Tim-san,
Soo desu ne. You are right. We never know what happens tomorrow and I will try to express my love for him with words more often. ?
Thank you for that interesting text! 🙂 I would say that German (which is my native language) is somewhere in between English and Japanese. Unlike in English, we make some distinction when it comes to persons. So if a German speaker says “Ich liebe Dich” (“Ich love you”), he/she is most likely talking to his/her significant other, as for friends and family we tend to use “Ich habe Dich lieb” (which is pretty much “daisuki” in a literal sense). However, we also say things like “Ich liebe diesen Film” (“I love this movie”) or even “Ich liebe diesen Typen” (“I love that guy”) – but the latter only if you mean what the person is doing. If I said “Ich liebe Kurt Cobain”, everyone would unterstand that I am talking about the musician, not about the man. So there is some sort of distinction in German, but it is not as clear as it is in Japanese.
Ralph-san, Hajimemashite.
Thank you for sharing how differently you say “I love you” in German! It was very interesting to read your comment. I don’t know anything about German but what I gathered from your comment is that “liebe” is like “love” in English and you can use it both for romantic sense and things you appreciate such as film. But when it comes to the affection towards family, then you use the word that is similar to “like very much (as we say “daisuki” in Japanese)”. It is fascinating for me to learn how different culture translates the concept of “love.” Thank you again for the educational comment! 🙂
Yuko-sensei,
Very nice and clear article about this topic.
Thank you so much for it!
Elena-san,
Arigatoo gozaimasu. I’m glad you enjoyed the article!
For a song, if somebody was to say, referring to their diseased mother, “We loved you so much.” How would they say it?
Elena-san,
We would use the phrase “Daisuki” in that situation.